


The Punisher's bad night

by Bacner



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool (2016 film) - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crossover, Daredevil (TV series), Deadpool (2016 film), F/M, Gen, M/M, Marvel Cinematic Universe - Freeform, Slash, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:10:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/pseuds/Bacner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, the Punisher ran into Wade and Vanessa...this wasn't a very good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Punisher's bad night

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of the Deadpool movie and the upcoming Daredevil S2 - the story of how Deadpool played Cupid...

It was New York City, it was night, and the Punisher was patrolling the streets. Technically he did not have to: Spiderman was also out, but he was fighting the Green Goblin, so the Punisher decided to keep on at it (not that he needed a reason to do so either).

As he drove around, he saw a young woman out on the streets, alone. Though he was an avenger (but not an Avenger, mind you), Punisher did not approve of evil, but normally he left such women alone, unless they got in his way. Tonight, however, was relatively slow (because no one wanted to be caught between the Green Goblin and Spiderman), so he decided to confront her instead.

As he approached her (on foot, rather than on wheels), the young woman, however, whirled around and glared at him in a very hostile, unfriendly way.

“And who are you?” she growled.

“I’m the Punisher,” the vigilante stated the obvious (or not).

The woman’s eyebrows rose. “You make puns? A stand-up comedian? Interesting. Wade, you feeling okay? Some kindly stranger offered to lift our spirits with laughter!” she yelled into the darkness, from where the Punisher could now hear the sounds of retching.

“No, Vanessa!” came an equally loud reply, but clearly from a man too. “I’m not. The last time I felt this poorly was a long time ago, and the Black Cat, of all the people, was involved. Curse her!”

The Punisher began to belatedly realize that he probably made a mistake. Those two probably were not hookers, just a couple of sorority students or someone like that, having a late night out on the town. NYC had those as well. His instincts were telling him to leave them to their misery, but he could not let them have the last word.

“I do not make puns, I punish people for their crimes,” he growled.

“Really?” Vanessa's unseen companion - Wade - growled from behind him, very loudly. 

The Punisher whirled around, only to be knocked out (he was a firearms expert, and hand-to-hand too, but when it came to Deadpool...all bets were off).

“What do we do with him now, Vanessa?” Wade implied

“Hm,” his girlfriend looked thoughtful. “you know, in light of your stories regarding Daredevil and Tombstone and others, I have an idea.”

* * *

Later that night (or rather, that morning) Tombstone arrived in his latest hide-out, having been unable to defeat Daredevil in a fair combat again, or even in a trap. This, not surprisingly, put him into a foul mood of his own, so when he saw the Punisher, stripped naked, hogtied, and with 5-inch green letters painted on his chest, forming the words “I’m the Punisher, I make puns!” he didn’t believe it at first.

Then the Punisher saw him and began making noises. Well, he was trying to make sounds, but the gag in his mouth prevented him from being coherent, yet it was enough to persuade Tombstone that this was real.

“You know, Punisher, we don’t get together as often as we should,” he said brightly as he pulled out a couple of torture instruments and a portable buzz saw out of the next room of the complex. “Let’s fix that, shall we?”

* * *

...Daredevil came just in time and saved the vigilante from a session of some very gruesome torture. But the blow to the ego was just as bad.

"Look," Daredevil wasn't very enthused about the rescue either (he was supposed to take on Tombstone only in S3 of his series - Deadpool). "I don't like you, we're not friends, you're...something else, but that is no reason to let you out to dry-"

"Aw, to Hell with the subtleties," Frank replied and promptly kissed the other man, and not very chastely, either. "Do you get it?"

Daredevil blinked and thought this over. "Stark and Rogers have initiated an entire civil war over something like this..."

"Eh, we don't have the budget for this sort of thing," the Punisher shrugged. "I mean...never mind, what I mean. I blame Deadpool. So what do you want to do now? About us, I mean?"

Daredevil thought this over. Foggy, in particular, had certain ideas about his vision-challenged friend and his love life...but this was the reason why Daredevil didn't want to go with. "Let's go to Luke and Jessica," he finally decided, "or did you piss them off too?"

"We hadn't had this crossover yet," the Punisher pointed out, not unreasonably, "so no."

"Good to hear this. But stop breaking the fourth wall - this is more of Deadpool's stick."

"I cannot promise you that."

"Curses."

End


End file.
